If people are going to talk about Robin Williams’ mental health in order to raise awareness, please understand that he had bipolar disorder. And please understand that it is different from clinical depression. It requires awareness and understanding just as much as depression. 

Reblogged from Astounding.

You know why.


1-800-273-8255 in the United States.
List of international suicide hotlines
International Association for Suicide Prevention catalog (by location) of available crisis centers.

I will admit that I might be sparse while all this news is high in circulation because it poses big risks for me, as well, but I also want to say that if you need someone, reach out. There are resources for you. There are resources for us.

It’s important to start a dialogue and to be aware of the fact that anyone can suffer from this. There is a powerful stigma against depression and suicide that makes it hard to ask for and to receive help without drastic measures, it seems - a stigma that will try to shame you, and even people who you feel love you may try to convince you that you are the problem, or that the problem isn’t real. You aren’t the problem, and I promise that there are people out there who will be there for you. I will stand in as one of them; I care about you. You have value. Don’t be alone. Get help.

Tags: suicide

i’ve been feeling pretty suicidal lately so i’m off to the hospital to get started on ECT

wish me luck

We’ll never know why Funke ultimately decided to take her own life. But framing Funke’s decision to end her own life as a consequence of her career as a sex worker, rather than her lifelong depression or the relentless slut-shaming and harassment she faced on social media, does a huge disservice not only to Funke’s legacy, but to the millions of women who are similarly shamed and harassed online every day.

Casting couch porn actress commits suicide after facing online harassment, Daily Dot

This is so so so important. The school’s unwillingness to take ANY responsibility is vile. They’re more concerned with getting off scot-free than admitting their student body needs a reeducation on empathy and rampant, disgusting sexism. That’s why these high schools continue to be breeding grounds for this kind of bullying. Because the people in charge don’t move a muscle to stop it. 

(via gabydunn)

When you are hurting, there will always be people who find a way to make it about themselves. If you break your wrist, they’ll complain about a sprained ankle. If you are sad, they’re sadder. If you’re asking for help, they’ll demand more attention.

Here is a fact: I was in a hospital and sobbing into my palms when a woman approached me and asked why I was making so much noise and I managed to stutter that my best friend shot himself in the head and now he was 100% certified dead and she made this little grunt and had the nerve to tell me, “Well now you made me sad.”

When you get angry, there are going to be people who ask you to shut up and sit down, and they’re not going to do it nicely. Theirs are the faces that turn bright red before you have a chance to finish your sentence. They won’t ask you to explain yourself. They’ll be mad that you’re mad and that will be their whole reason alone.

Here is a fact: I was in an alleyway a few weeks ago, stroking my friend’s back as she vomited fourteen tequila shots. “I hate men,” she wheezed as her sides heaved, “I hate all of them.”

I braided her hair so it wouldn’t get caught in the mess. I didn’t correct her and reply that she does in fact love her father and her little brother too, that there are strangers she has yet to meet that will be better for her than any of her shitty ex-boyfriends, that half of our group of friends identifies as male - I could hear each of her bruises in those words and I didn’t ask her to soften the blow when she was trying to buff them out of her skin. She doesn’t hate all men. She never did.

She had the misfortune to be overheard by a drunk guy in an ill-fitting suit, a boy trying to look like a man and leering down my dress as he stormed towards us. “Fuck you, lady,” he said, “Fuck you. Not all men are evil, you know.”

“Thanks,” I told him dryly, pulling on her hand, trying to get her inside again, “See you.”

He followed us. Wouldn’t stop shouting. How dare she get mad. How dare she was hurting. “It’s hard for me too!” he yowled after us. “With fuckers like you, how’s a guy supposed to live?”

Here’s a fact: my father is Cuban and my genes repeat his. Once one of my teachers looked at my heritage and said, “Your skin doesn’t look dirty enough to be a Mexican.”

When my cheeks grew pink and my tongue dried up, someone else in the classroom stood up. “You can’t say that,” he said, “That’s fucking racist. We could report you for that.”

Our teacher turned vicious. “You wanna fail this class? Go ahead. Report me. I was joking. It’s my word against yours. I hate kids like you. You think you’ve got all the power - you don’t. I do.”

Later that kid and I became close friends and we skipped class to do anything else and the two of us were lying on our backs staring up at the sky and as we talked about that moment, he sighed, “I hate white people.” His girlfriend is white and so is his mom. I reached out until my fingers were resting in the warmth of his palm.

He spoke up each time our teacher said something shitty. He failed the class. I stayed silent. I got the A but I wish that I didn’t.

Here is a fact: I think gender is a social construct and people that want to tell others what defines it just haven’t done their homework. I personally happen to have the luck of the draw and am the same gender as my sex, which basically just means society leaves me alone about this one particular thing.

Until I met Alex, who said he hated cis people. My throat closed up. I’m not good at confrontation. I avoided him because I didn’t want to bother him.

One day I was going on a walk and I found him behind our school, bleeding out of the side of his mouth. The only thing I really know is how to patch people up. He winced when the antibacterial cream went across his new wounds. “I hate cis people,” he said weakly.

I looked at him and pushed his hair back from his head. “I understand why you do.”

Here is a fact: anger is a secondary emotion. Anger is how people stop themselves from hurting. Anger is how people stop themselves by empathizing.

It is easy for the drunken man to be mad at my friend. If he says “Hey, fuck you, lady,” he doesn’t have to worry about what’s so wrong about men.

It’s easy for my teacher to fail the kids who speak up. If we’re just smart-ass students, it’s not his fault we fuck up.

It’s easy for me to hate Alex for labeling me as dangerous when I’ve never hurt someone a day in my life. But I’m safe in my skin and his life is at risk just by going to the bathroom. I understand why he says things like that. I finally do.

There’s a difference between the spread of hatred and the frustration of people who are hurting. The thing is, when you are broken, there will always be someone who says “I’m worse, stop talking.” There will always be people who are mad you’re trying to steal the attention. There will always be people who get mad at the same time as you do - they hate being challenged. It changes the rules.

I say I hate all Mondays but my sister was born on one and she’s the greatest joy I have ever known. I say I hate brown but it’s really just the word and how it turns your mouth down - the colour is my hair and my eyes and my favorite sweater. I say I hate pineapple but I still try it again every Easter, just to see if it stings less this year. It’s okay to be sad when you hear someone generalize a group you’re in. But instead of assuming they’re evil and filled with hatred, maybe ask them why they think that way - who knows, you might just end up with a new and kind friend.

By telling the oppressed that their anger is unjustified, you allow the oppression to continue. I know it’s hard to stay calm. I know it’s scary. But you’re coming from the safe place and they aren’t. Just please … Try to be more understanding. /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)
Reblogged from Red Blood, Black Ink

Killing trans women isn’t bad press.


ESPN killed a trans woman. And the author was told “eh, just don’t do it again?” by everyone above him. He still has the job he used to kill a trans person because killing a trans woman isn’t bad press.

I want you to understand this story. It’s here if you can stomach the problematic, transphobic language and the incredibly problematic responses that they’ve made (oh, we should have checked first, but ‘he’ shouldn’t have hidden that ‘he’ was trans so whoops is among the most disturbing writings on this whole story.)

Dr. V is a woman who was in deep stealth. She was very much in the closet to everyone that she met and this was a good thing. She’d spent a lot of time and energy making sure people respected her and treated her decently in a new life because, let’s face it, when you transition people treat you like shit fairly often and she didn’t want that anymore.

She invented this putter. It’s an interesting piece of kit, and the design is still selling if you care about golf. Essentially it’s using physics phenomenon to balance out some of the forces, I haven’t really looked into the technology but she had a lot of professionals saying it made an impact in their putting, to the point that some refused to share details because they were still on tours and they viewed them as “invaluable.”

She asks, when he starts the article, that it be about “the science, not the scientist.” She asks that he focuses on the invention and not her. He agrees, they write about this for a while, he writes an article, it’s interesting, they meet, discuss the physics, and he goes to keep writing.

Then he stumbles across the fact that she might be trans.

And he starts doing all this research. She doesn’t have degrees in her name from the schools she said she did, she didn’t have the job experience under her name … so he researched and found out she was transgender, she experienced serious discrimination to the point she had to sue a former employer, that her closeted life had been somewhat different then what she had disclosed (you mean someone who was trans hid the thing they can be murdered for well? what?) and that she has hidden this as hard as he can.

So he continues to dig. Including calling her investors and friends and telling them she was transgender and giving them information about who she was before she transitioned.

He told people she didn’t have the experience or degrees she was says she had. That not only was she trans but she was a fraud (despite getting confirmation from someone externally that she was, in fact, the person with the experience 

She offered to show him the proof that she had the degrees, if he would sign something that he wouldn’t publish it. He said he “couldn’t take that deal.” She’d probably be alive if he had.

She killed herself before it was published.

And you know what’s happened because of this?

Nothing. No-one has been fired. The editor even said that they didn’t want to “make the author feel bad.” But I couldn’t care less because this transphobic murderer isn’t my friend or co-worker. He’s just someone who could give two fucks about whose life he destroys. I spent this morning crying after reading this article, because it was such a clear reminder that we’re the only ones who will stand up for ourselves.

His articles are here,

His twitter is here.

The page where these editors feel like murdering trans women is just a little slip up is here. Their Facebook is here.

The editor that said those horrific things and approved the entire article to be published is here.

I’m tired of this. I’m tired of finding out we can be beaten to death in front of police officers and have nothing happen. I’m tired of finding out that reason we were called f***gots still rings true - we are valued as less then the price of a match. They think of us as fire starters.

Fine. Let’s start a few fires.

Let’s show them that we’re not taking this shit sitting down. They aren’t allowed to do this to us with impunity anymore. We’re not going to let these people kill us without a fight. Fuck, every single one of us has been fighting since we came out of the closet. No more standing down.

And I’m calling in every single person that has every claimed to be an ally to trans people. This is disgusting, this shit needs to stop, and you could help. We need as many voices as possible.

Anyone identifying as a Radical Feminist - they’re making women kill themselves. Either admit you’re transphobic and stay away from the LGBT movement, or back up what you have said and stand with us.

Anyone who identifies as catholic, christian, muslim, jewish, or any religion that’s had a seriously problematic time dealing with trans people - this isn’t theological, it’s basic morals, we’re being killed out here. Help.

Anyone identifying as an LGBT supporter or ally - I don’t care if you’ve never done anything before for transgender people before. Get involved. There are no side line players, either you’re with us or your silence supports those that would have us killed in the streets.

Anyone who has called themselves out as a member of the Rainbow Lantern Corps - you’re needed now. This might not be the reason the response structure was made but we need pressure and let’s face it, the quicker we make people see transgender people deserve basic respect the sooner corrective therapy ends.

Make ESPN send a message, clearly, to anyone who works for them either directly or indirectly - outing a transgender woman is wrong. The resulting suicide should be taken seriously and should be held under actual journalistic scrutiny.

Calab Hannan should be fired. Anything short of permanently losing his position is an insult to the transgender community, and saying that kind of unethical dribble passes for journalism lowers the standard of every publication he touches.

Anything you can send in, letters, tweets, anything, will help. Spreading this around so more people see it will help. We need to respond to this or this shit will keep happening.

Let’s light a few fires.

out of the psych ward now

not doing great, but i’m no longer suicidal, so

all in all i’d give the experience 7/10, pretty positive with some tolerable flaws

Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don’t kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, “He fought so hard.” And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.
— Sally Brampton (via lungpeiling)
Reblogged from woof


oh my fucking god




oh my fucking god


Reblogged from woof
Tags: suicide
A thousand voices from afar….” Those would be the readers, all clamoring for PS to use Sepulchritude even though I so obviously wasn’t going to do that yet. Man, what a pain in the ass they were. I wonder what it would be like if I was still taking commands from the Homestuck readership? it would probably be like me commiting suicide, every single day. And then they just keep piling the commands on top of my corpse. “MAKE A FEMALE TAVROS WITH BREASTS TOUCH SAILOR YUGIO ON THE PENIS

-Problem Sleuth: Book 4, page 68 (comments section)


A thousand voices from afar seem to ring in your mind….

I got my Problem Sleuth book yesterday and I feel compelled to post this single quote from Andrew Hussie in the comments section of said book.

(via explosivetheorist)

Reblogged from Rider Kick